Thursday, September 10, 2009


Where I'm at - 2:18AM

I cannot sleep. My mind is a mess and my face the same with streaks of mascara running down it. What happened to real friendships? BFF rings and necklaces. Promises of forever and always. I find myself alone. I am a single entity drifting among so many set out on paths to happiness. Happiness I may never be able to attain. I lost the one (though perhaps only temporarily) that knew me in and out. That I turned to in times of happiness and sorrow. That understood my flaws and liked me regardless. I fill my time with work, drugs, and alcohol hoping to distract my mind in any way. What happens when this is done? Do I drift away and disappear? I feel as if I could without many noticing. One day here, the next gone. And I'll become a distant memory of a few good times and the past. Do I need a change of scenery? A fresh start with fresh faces? Or will it all end up the same? A stalled car in the fast lane of the highway with no chance of making it to the breakdown lane.

1 comment:

Dr. Carl Myers said...

Hope for you from a Buddhist in Yuma AZ.
I read through your reading list - lots of the same drama,over and over, rather like trying to explain why the wind shifts.
I hope no blogging means that you have found a more optimistic path.