Coffee & Chaos

Books Read in 2011

2011-02-15T18:52:00.006-05:00

1. & 2.) Sleeping in on School Days by Jordan Bishop
3.) Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
4.) 100 Selected Poems by e.e. cummings
5.) Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Enlightenment

2010-08-29T15:33:00.000-04:00

Change is difficult. No, that's an understatement. Change is brutal. It knocks us flat off our feet, takes away everything familiar and shoots us out into something new whether we're ready for it or not. And most of the time, looking back, we'll see how completely worth it that change was. How that change was coming all along and how necessary it was to get where we see ourselves going in this life. That we really were ready for it, we just didn't know it at the time.

It has taken me a long while to get to this point. To the point where I'm ready for what's next. I've battled myself, I've battled time, I've battled others. All in an effort to stop change. I've tried so hard to put a hold on things, afraid to give my control up to fate. Afraid to lose all that is familiar and embrace the new. And all along it seems that I was only trying to walk backwards on a moving walkway. Time continued on. The world kept with its spinning. I was moving without even knowing it.

And now that my head has caught up with my feet, I realize that it was never about being sure of what I want. I was always sure. I am confident in everything that I have ever dreamed a possibility for myself. I know who I am as a person. I have a good soul and a lot of love to offer this world. I keep my heart out in plain sight and that's the way I like it.

So let's take the leap together. The world won't wait on us. We have to take it in our hands and mold it into everything we ever dreamed. Let us run in the direction it is taking us. Hell, let us skip, jump and laugh too.

Why wait? It won't get us anywhere.

Unfinished Bits

2010-08-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

I have so many bits of poems and written word pieces that go unfinished. It seems I start them in scattered bursts of emotion and inspiration, only to leave them by the wayside on scraps of paper and napkins. It doesn't feel right to go back and complete them after the moment in which they were started has passed. Perhaps they hold some sort magic with the way they trail on into infinite unknown. The ending to be imagined.

Though many pieces are personal, I am entertaining the idea of posting these unfinished bits on here. If only to organize and save them from being confused for trash.

Day and Night

2010-07-28T23:43:00.000-04:00

I stayed awake last night to finish reading Her Fearful Symmetry and before I knew it, it was 5:30AM and the sun was on its way up. I watched the sunrise with my coffee in hand and then embarked on an early morning run. The weather was beautiful when I left, only 69 degrees. By the time I was back at my house, it had gone up ten degrees. Still beautiful but hot and humid.

My runs have been going well. I'm running with much more ease these days and am trying to listen to my body when it tells me to take a day off. My lower back has been bothering me for the last few days because of the minor difference in the lengths of my legs. I think I have finally fixed the issue though by putting a small insert into my left shoe under the heel. My weight seems to be more evenly distributed now when my feet hit the ground. My goal is to try and increase my running pace over the next few weeks. I would like to be able to pull an eight or nine minute mile.

There were some delicious vegan eats in my life today. For lunch, I had leftover Chinese vegetable bean curd (tofu) with rice. I ended up adding some sweet and spicy barbecue sauce to the mix (sounds gross but it wasn't, I swear) because the remaining food I had left was a bit dry. It turned out really delicious.

For dinner, I had a break from cooking, as my mother decided to make a vegan-friendly meal. She had purchased some TVP (textured vegetable protein) for me a few weeks ago and decided to use it tonight in a spicy red bean and rice dish. Besides the TVP, red beans, and brown rice, we also mixed in onion, cayenne pepper, and a bit of garlic for flavoring. Yum! Good job, Mom!

And that's about it for today. I'm moving on to reading a new book tonight and am going to try my hardest to sleep and wake up for another early morning run. Hope this finds you well.

Things Change

2010-07-26T15:16:00.008-04:00

I am making a valiant effort to let go of the past, focus on the now and dream of the future. And in an effort to keep with that, I have decided that rather than summarize the past year of my life in which I did not blog, I would just pick up where I am now. And, hopefully, for any outsider readers, the bits will all fit together and make some sense. So, where am I now? Well, after living with my girlfriend in Portland, OR for six weeks, I have finally (to the surprise of many) returned to the East coast.

My return was met with a lot of excitement, shock and curiosity from everyone around me. Apparently that is what happens when you plan to be gone for 19 days, stay for 45 and come back thirteen pounds thinner and vegan. Everyone wants the lowdown on life in Portland, my new lifestyle changes and where I am going from here. And the little one? Well, she just wanted to know what kind of "cool stuff" I brought back with me and if we could go play together.

The adjustment back to home life hasn't been too bad. While I miss my girl unbelievably and can't wait to be with her again, I am so glad to have my family and close friends back within an arm's reach. If anything, the biggest adjustment I have had to make is with my food choices. Unfortunately, living in a town, as opposed to big city like Portland, limits one's options for closely located vegan-friendly foods. And so? I have taken up cooking! I am really quite proud of myself for taking on this cooking adventure, as in the past, I have never cooked more than french fries and nuggets for myself. Now, every night, I throw together dishes full of whole grains, fresh produce, and newly discovered meat alternatives. And because I am so proud of the progress that I have been making, I have taken to photographing some meals to share. You will find a few recent food creations below:

Whole grain pasta with stir-fried tofu, green bell pepper, tomato, red onion, and vinaigrette.

Vegan chili cheese fries. The cheese sauce is a corn starch mixture because I did not have the nutritional yeast needed for the Post Punk Kitchen cheese sauce that I originally wanted to make. The chili is a vegetable chili with Smart Ground's veggie protein crumbles mixed in.

A simple spinach salad with homemade dressing made from honey, white rice vinegar, extra virgin olive oil and scallions. The salad was a mix of whatever looked good in my fridge. Strawberries, blueberries, grapes, almonds, red onion, tomato, and sunflower seeds.

A similar stir fry to the one I made with pasta. This time with some soy sauce and cayenne pepper to make it a little bit spicier.

A quick spinach salad lunch. This time with toasted 9-grain bread croutons.

The best part about cooking is that I always have basic leftovers (rice, pasta, tofu, smart ground) to make into something new the next day. Though my family has taken interest in my cooking, they have yet to try any of it. So for now, I am cooking for one.

Aside from my dietary changes, I have also taken up running again. It is difficult with the state's humidity but I have found that 8PM is bearable enough. I am working to build up my distance running again and hopefully will be able to run a 5k in the near future. Here's to health!

Until next time..

Books Read in 2010

2010-01-29T01:27:00.020-05:00

1. I Feel Bad about My Neck, Nora Ephron
2. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, John Boyne
3. I Was Told There'd Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
4. My Horizontal Life, Chelsea Handler
5. My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult
6. Second Glance, Jodi Picoult
7. Everything Matters, Ron Currie Jr.
8. Affinity, Sarah Waters
9. Fugitives and Refugees, Chuck Palahniuk
10. Fat Girl, Judith Moore
11. Light in August, William Faulkner
12. Choke, Chuck Palahniuk
13. Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris
14. Her Fearful Symmetry, Audrey Niffenegger
15. The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
16. The Old Man and the Sea, Ernest Hemingway
17. Push, Sapphire
18. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, Chelsea Handler
19. Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters
20. Fingersmith, Sarah Waters
21. Pages For You, Sylvia Brownrigg
22. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Tucker Max
23. The Kind Diet, Alicia Silverstone
24. No Impact Man, Colin Beavan

The Revamped To Be Read List

2010-01-07T00:23:00.006-05:00

A new to-be-read list for books since my old one is outdated and I've read a good portion of what is on it.

A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini
Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Haunted, Chuck Palaniuk
Her Fearful Symmetry, Audrey Niffinegger
Holidays on Ice, David Sedaris
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Tucker Max
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
Middlesex, Jeff Eugenides
Pygmy, Chuck Palaniuk
Rant, Chuck Palahniuk
Say You're One of Them, Uwem Akpan
Survivor, Chuck Palahniuk
When You are Engulfed in Flames, David Sedaris

Snapshot

2009-09-10T02:17:00.003-04:00

Where I'm at - 2:18AM

I cannot sleep. My mind is a mess and my face the same with streaks of mascara running down it. What happened to real friendships? BFF rings and necklaces. Promises of forever and always. I find myself alone. I am a single entity drifting among so many set out on paths to happiness. Happiness I may never be able to attain. I lost the one (though perhaps only temporarily) that knew me in and out. That I turned to in times of happiness and sorrow. That understood my flaws and liked me regardless. I fill my time with work, drugs, and alcohol hoping to distract my mind in any way. What happens when this is done? Do I drift away and disappear? I feel as if I could without many noticing. One day here, the next gone. And I'll become a distant memory of a few good times and the past. Do I need a change of scenery? A fresh start with fresh faces? Or will it all end up the same? A stalled car in the fast lane of the highway with no chance of making it to the breakdown lane.

Brain Snapshot

2009-08-03T14:45:00.002-04:00

2:50 PM:

Drives with her calm me. Top down. Lungs full. We drive as if we have a mission. Somewhere to be. Somewhere to flee. But really, we're just passing time. Waiting for life to lift us up and fly. Phone ringing. But waiting for the other. Where's mine? Pocket. I hope it stays sunny so I can have my photoshoot tonight. The rain has been ruining all of the ones I had scheduled. My stomach is empty. I haven't eaten in hours and hours. I'm hungry but when I see the kitchen, I lose all desire to eat. I'm nervous about what is to come of us. Am I foolish to do this again? Or is this common? I'm all in either way. Whether I walk out happy or broken. I'll rise from the ashes if I have to. Why can't I get the arm right on this drawing? It's the hand that gets me every time. Practice, practice until I give up. Or find satisfaction. Phone buzzing. Bacon woman. Time to give into hunger pains.

recent.

2009-06-29T18:21:00.006-04:00

2009-06-28T16:21:00.003-04:00

Things I would like to accomplish in the near (and not so near) future:

- Create a photo showcase (in a coffee shop? library? store?)
- Sell some photos or photo sessions
- Convince Jess to move in with me
- Give in and get a job (but maybe not)
- Figure out if grad school is in my future
- Transfer some of my poetry on to here

2009-04-10T12:05:00.003-04:00

I am jumping into holes again. This one is exciting though and I don't seem much to mind that I might get stuck. If you had asked me a month ago if I thought this would happen, I would have laughed. I'm glad it did happen though. I feel so much freer. On so many levels.

Snapshot in time

2009-03-15T16:16:00.003-04:00

Brain Snapshot. 4:16PM March 15, 2009.

I need to erase my calendar. If I do, will April fit? At least half will, I bet. That means summer is almost here. Only a few more weeks of classes after April. Oh but that means I need to get on top of work soon. Two papers. What's humming? Fridge? I can hear something over Dave Matthews. Where is everyone? I'm tired. I shouldn't be. Haven't done much. Would it be bad to take a short nap? I should look over my clit paper. Need to make an outline. And practice in the mirror. What made me think I could present something like this? Does frosting need to go in the fridge? Coffee would be nice. Only if I washed the pot before break though. Can't remember if I did. Seems like I left so long ago and yet it was only a week. Would like to bring that up in therapy. Why I can never remember things and everything is so distant. Skip. Skip. Skip. Too long. Skip. Skip. Perfect song. Right there. Say yes, press send. That's how I get myself involved in constant craziness. Say yes before I have the chance to say no. That's how I ended up in these holes. I didn't dig them myself though. No, no. You dug them, I just happened to fall in. And though it is all your fault, I am the one taking the fall. People know me before they meet me and it's all because of you. You. Your mouth. Your delusions. We were nothing. Nothing happened. People think it did though because they haven't met me yet. Have only heard your stories of love lost and a broken heart. What love? I only agreed to coffee. I agree to coffee with lots of people. Coffee is my thing. I'd even take George Bush up on coffee if he offered.I bet he wouldn't assume I loved him based on coffee. So why did you? Delusional. Even your friends say so. Sorry.

2009-02-08T01:33:00.002-05:00

Emotions flow out of me so honestly now. Like the filter is lost and I just don't care anymore. Why should I continue to censor myself when all it does is tear me apart inside? If my emotions and feelings upset you, so let it be. I'm entitled to them, you know.

I don't think of this as being disrespectful. No, not at all. Because I know I would never say anything to offend someone else or make someone upset. This is about me feeling what I feel openly. So as to free myself. Sorry if you're in the way of me and that freedom.

Books Read in 2009

2009-01-01T14:05:00.041-05:00

Once again, I am doing this list as a reference point that I can come back to and edit in the future. Also, I am open to suggestions..as always!

Books Read in 2009:
1. Diary, Chuck Palahniuk
2. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
3. Beautiful Stranger, Hope Donahue
4. Dracula, Bram Stoker
5. Women in the Shadows, Ann Bannon
6. Love That Dog, Sharon Creech
7. Why Marriage?, George Chauncey
8. She's Not There, Jennifer Finney Boylan
9. The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Turn Me On, Cherie Jeffrey
11. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
12. The Reader, Bernhard Schlink
13. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
14. Among Other Things, I've Taken Up Smoking, Aoibheann Sweeney
15. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
16. Loose Girl, Kerry Cohen
17. Steal This Book, Abbie Hoffman
18. The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
19. Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, Mary Roach
20. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman Capote
21. Snuff, Chuck Palahniuk
22. P.S., I Love You, Cecelia Ahern
23. Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, Chelsea Handler
24. Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
25. Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas, Louise Rennison
26. Certain Girls, Jennifer Weiner
27. Beautiful Boy, David Sheff
28. Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants, Louise Rennison
29. Beezus and Ramona, Beverly Cleary
30. Rubyfruit Jungle, Rita Mae Brown
31. Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy, Geralyn Lucas
32. Smashed, Koren Zailckas
33. Beginning the End, Brigid Marz
34. Ecstasy, Someone Whatsherface
35. Nickel and Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich
36. Cunt, Inga Muscio
37. Walden Two, B.F. Skinner
38. The Art of Racing in the Rain, Garth Stein
39. Smack, Melvin Burgess
40. The Last Time I Wore a Dress, Daphne Scholinski
41. Prozac Nation, Elizabeth Wurtzel
42. The Purity Myth, Jessica Valenti
43. Marley and Me, John Grogan
44. Lullaby, Chuck Palahniuk
45. Gender and Culture, Melford Spiro
46. Americans Abroad, Arnold Dashefsky
47. Flat Broke with Children, Sharon Hays
48. As I Sat on the Green: Living without a Home in New Haven, Alice Mattison
49. The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger
50. Ramona the Pest, Beverly Cleary

2008-12-21T01:37:00.000-05:00

Daron is always exposing me to new creative writing techniques and I absolutely adore her for it because I feel like it really allows me to better express myself in writing. And so, I take a page from her and give you a "snapshot" of everything going on in my head right now. Free writing, no turning back.

Brain Snapshot at 1:30 AM, December 21, 2008:

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. No new pictures? Oh right, everyone is likely to be sleeping. Why am I up? The house is quiet. I'm playing Norah Jones again. Her voice is so beautiful and makes me weak in the knees. I should buy another pillow. My bed is too empty. I can't believe I have to pee again. Didn't I just go? My roots are more noticeable than before. Did that message send? Refresh. Refresh. Nope. I wonder if they know. Does it show, like a scarlet letter? And why do I care? I can't stand how often I am one step forward, two steps back. On and off. Second thoughts and restraints. I might try, if you can guarantee me a safety net. A lifeboat. A flotation device to save me from a sea of unknown. I don't like the unknown. I am habit. Schedule, structure ..security. I hope dad makes chocolate chip pancakes tomorrow. Bacon, too. Maybe I'll set an alarm. This weekend has felt magical. I'll be sad on Monday when I wake up alone to a cold house. I wish someone would come hold hands with me and listen to the quiet. Maybe see a few lights. I'm on top of the sheet. How did that happen? I need to find my knitting needles. Closet? Hallway? Basement? I want to read. Refresh. Refresh. Nope, nothing new.

It's been some time..

2008-12-15T23:49:00.004-05:00

It has been well over a month since I last wrote here. A lot has happened since then and because I have no idea where to begin, I'm hooking it up list style. If you've been following me on Twitter, stalking me out on Flickr, or talking to me on a daily basis, you might know most of this and will therefore find it boring. If you've been slightly MIA from my life, no worries because here is an update on the last month of it!

Vagina Monologues: At the beginning of November, I auditioned for the 2009 Vagina Monologues cast. Pushed myself completely out of my comfort zone to do it because I knew it was an opportunity that I did not want to miss. Auditions were exhilarating and I walked away proud of myself for doing something that a year ago I probably would not have done. I was even more proud of myself when two days later I learned that I scored a role in the cast! That's right, everyone. Come February, yours truly will be on stage as "Woman #2." Rehearsals begin the week we get back from break and I am SO excited.

Twenty-One Down: Over the past few months, I have somehow managed to lose twenty-one pounds. The weight loss could be a result of various factors including but not limited to: STRESS, no money for groceries, no time/desire for eating, or obscene amounts of coffee that fill my tummy. Either way, I'm happy with it and will attempt to lose more over break.

Triota: Triota, the Women's Studies honor society that I'm in, ended up having a productive end to the semester. We hosted two events featuring Debbie Rasmussen from Bitch magazine. The events turned out to be a huge hit and Debbie was great. She led discussions on both nights in which people could create dialogue about feminist activism on campus and off. Also, this semester we raised over two hundred dollars for Cangleska, a domestic violence shelter in South Dakota for the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. Oh and in awesome news, I was elected public relations for Triota for the Spring semester. YAY!

Maquilas, Lesbians, and Grades: The past two weeks of my life have been ridiculous. I have been a giant stress ball and heart attack waiting to happen. I can honestly say that I do not remember most of it, as I was drinking about 10 cups of coffee a day and staying up until 3 and 5AM. I managed to write a pretty okay paper on the Maquiladoras of Mexico. You'll have to ask Amanda if the paper was any good though, as I refuse to re-read it now that it has been handed in. My lesbian project finally came to a close too and after having a really successful speak-out and presentation, we got the A we deserved. Final exams week was an absolute breeze. I legitimately only studied for like one of the exams. Grades all came in today and I received three As and two A-s. Not too shabby, eh? Definitely worth all of the stress I put myself through.

Next Semester: The Spring semester is all set up and I am excited for it to begin. Am I rushing things or what? I will be taking five classes, Gender & Sexualities, Juvenile Delinquency, Family Interaction Processes, Problem Solving, and an independent study with my all time favorite Amanda. No classes on Fridays which will be wonderful, as I have a feeling my ind study will have me busy. Vagina Monologue rehearsals will dominate my January and February. So far, they're scheduled for Wednesdays for 3 hours. I'll be working only three days a week. Triota meetings are yet to be decided on. I sent in a proposal and may or may not be speaking at a Women's Studies conference in March. And aside from all of that, I cannot wait to spend the Spring with my apt mates whom I love more and more everyday. Especially since I'm making them take me to the zoo.

And now, after typing all of that, I know I have more to say but cannot bear to go on. My eyelids are getting heavy and my cell phone is buzzing. Now that I have a month off, you can expect that I will be much more up-to-date with this..as well as with my Flickr. Peace and love.

You MUST be kidding me.

2008-11-05T21:34:00.004-05:00

Someone recently passed a link along to me for a blog called, "Bangable Blog Babes." Apparently, I have been listed as one of November's blog babes. Seriously? Do I seem like someone that would be excited about being objectified and ranked among other women? I am attaching a screencap of the webpage so you can see what I'm talking about. Please note the blurb written next to me. I'm guessing this blurb was based off of the post I wrote about the inspirational decorations on my bathroom mirror, one of which is a newspaper clipping that says, "Female Orgasm Makes Many Happy." You can bet that I responded directly to this site already.

Maya Angelou

2008-11-03T21:18:00.004-05:00

I saw Maya Angelou speak tonight. That woman has the most beautiful soul. I swear it radiates from her body and leaves me in awe.

Here is a video of her reading "Brave and Startling Truth" tonight. After the video is a link to my flickr on which I posted a different video of her reading "The Health-Food Diner" on stage.

Other video on my Flickr

Don't be apathetic.

2008-11-03T17:33:00.003-05:00

Vote for whomever you please but PLEASE remember to vote!

2008-10-30T22:12:00.003-04:00

Class registration is such a hassle. I do not even want to say what I am hoping to take, as half of the classes are likely to be filled by the time I pick tomorrow morning at 7AM. I did, however, want to mention that in the process of checking my credit degree report, I realized that I am likely to graduate a full semester early. Meaning I will be moving on to grad school and adult-life approximately six months earlier than I had originally planned. Crazy.

Gay Weekend

2008-10-12T13:56:00.003-04:00

I have decided to declare this weekend "YAY FOR GAY - Gay Weekend" because of everything fabulous and LGBT related that has occurred. As I stated in a previous post, CT legalized same-sex marriage on Friday. Kenya and I drove out to Hartford to participate in the rally at the capitol. Only thing is, we were running late and got lost looking for parking. We missed the whole rally. So, we drove back to the UC for our very own rally & celebration with A. And by celebration, I mean beer, D.P. Dough, rainbow jewelry and season one of the L Word. Spectacular. Gay Weekend continued yesterday with National Coming Out Day. And today marks the ten year anniversary of Matthew Shepard's death. I'd like to say that we, as a society, have come a long way in terms of hate crimes but really, we haven't. The less publicized & more recent occurrences of hate related violence, crimes and deaths are proof of that. As is the hateful language I encountered this weekend by people who I am ashamed to say I know.

HERE'S TO THE TAX BREAKS! (and the other one-thousand forty eight benefits that same-sex couples will now also be able to receive)

YAY

2008-10-10T14:06:00.002-04:00

LEGALIZATION!!

GAY MARRIAGE IS NOW LEGAL IN CONNECTICUT!

Might be heading to the rally tonight in Hartford!

A Major Decision

2008-10-10T11:06:00.003-04:00

So, it is 11:06AM and I am sitting here, nervous with energy as I wait to hear whether or not gay marriage will be legalized in Connecticut. I've heard rumor that the decision will be announced at 11:30AM. The LGBT community on campus is abuzz today with excitement, as everyone feels good about the chances of a good ruling. If this is passed, you can expect that I will be in full celebratory mode tonight. And if not, you can expect a lot of bitterness.

I'll keep you posted.

Tears

2008-09-22T21:06:00.003-04:00

My coworker asked if I was okay this afternoon and I started crying. I have no idea what prompted it, nor do I have any idea what to make of it. It might just be a result of stress and exhaustion. Hello, anxiety.

And boy, those heart issues this morning were no fun, either.

2008-09-17T21:59:00.002-04:00

FYI: My Women and Violence class...not so into projects about lesbians like they should be.

I'm not voting with my vagina.

2008-09-14T11:45:00.004-04:00

I've posted about Sarah Haskins here before and proclaimed my love for her. Now, I think you should watch the hilarious new Target Women video she just put together about Sarah Palin.

Just something to think about...

2008-09-13T15:07:00.007-04:00

For my Sociology of Gender class, one of the books we're required to read is My Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein. I'm not a huge fan of the book, but welcome the ways in which Bornstein challenges people to look beyond the gender binary. Anyway, in the book, Bornstein speaks about how ze asked people to define themselves. Ze asked over a hundred people, "who are you? what are you?" and then recorded the responses ze received. All of the responses are completely label driven. Femme. Butch. Bi-gendered boychick. Trans. Dyke. Fetishist. Queer. It is amazing to read the many ways in which people define themselves, drawing on self-identity, society's perspective, sexual attraction, and desire. There were a few responses that I circled because they really struck me. One of which, I would like to share here. So, here is my favorite response, of all 107 that Bornstein recorded in hir book:

"What am I? It depends.

When I speak of Brandon Teena, a transsexual man who was raped and then murdered because he dared identify as a man while possessing a vagina, I am a transsexual man.

When I speak of a transsexual woman who is being excluded because of her past, I am a transsexual woman.

When I speak of a pre-op transsexual who is being hurtfully categorized by the shape of the tissue between his or her legs, I am a pre-op transsexual.

When I speak of a post-operative transsexual who is being denigrated as the destroyer of his own body's integrity, I am a post-op transsexual.

When I speak of those who dare not reveal the pleasure they derive from wearing clothing reserved exclusively for use of the opposite sex, I am a transvestite.

When I speak of those who are regarded as degenerate because they find certain items particularly stimulating of pleasurable fantasy, I am a fetishist.

When I speak of those who enjoy games of erotic power exchange, I am a sadomasochist.

When I speak of those who prefer the same sex to the opposite for intimacy, I am a homosexual.

When I speak of those who open their arms to intimacy without restriction based on sexual polarity, I am a bisexual.

When I speak of any woman who is being hurt because she dares o challenge or seek respect, I am a sister.

When I speak of any man who is being hurt because he dares to prefer sensitivity to durability, I am a brother.

When I speak of any person who is being hurt because they do not identity as either man or woman, I do not identify.

I am all of these things. In being so, I make a difference where and whenever difference is being used to make hurt."

2008-09-12T16:20:00.007-04:00

It has been quite a while since I've had the time to sit down and write here. My time is constantly divided between classes, work, and what I can manage to make into a social life. Don't get me wrong though, I love being busy. I'm much happier when I'm running nonstop...until the lack of sleep catches up with me. So, what have I been up to? Well, I guess I can try to start at the beginning and fill in the missing pieces.

Apartment Living: I love the apartment. I love having my own room. And I love making and having my own food, despite the times when I am too tired/rushed to cook and end up eating a PB sandwich. Grocery shopping is fun. And makes me feel old. I've realized that I'm really good at getting a lot for my money. Except when it comes to toilet paper because damn, that is expensive. My room is super bright and super pretty. I originally hated it because with all of the pink, I felt like I was doing gender to the max. Now, I love it and feel like I live inside a bag of skittles. I've recently decided to love my bathroom sink, also. I decorated my mirror with the things that inspire me so that when I'm straightening my hair in the morning, I become inspired for the day. Please note that some of the things that inspire me include Bridget McManus and the female orgasm.

Social Life: When I'm not running here and there, going to classes, work, meetings and whatnot, I attempt to have some sort of social contact. Kenya comes up and visits. Jess is living in the building on one side of me, Diana and Kayleigh on the other side. I haven't been to any soccer games recently because well, I don't have the time. Plus, the field is on the other side of campus and getting anywhere from my apartment is like a 30 minute commitment. I joined the group for VDay this year. Trying to get involved with their planning and awareness projects. And might end up trying out for the Vagina Monologues come November.

Classes: I realize that I already started to talk about classes in my last post but I feel like now that I'm going into my fourth week of them, I have a much more supported opinion on them. I'm taking five classes this semester: Gender in the WP (WP), Linguistics (L), Sociology of Gender (AM), Social Theory (ST), and Women & Violence (WV). Those are the abbreviations I use for them because typing out the name of a class over and over again really starts to suck. Anyway, I like my WP class. So far, it has been able to keep me interested (maybe because we're actually going beyond just using the glass ceiling as the answer for everything). Everyone rags on the professor, but honestly, I like her and haven't found anything she does to be bad at all. I tend to be one of those "I like everyone until they give me a reason not to" types of people anyway. In true Women's Studies department fashion, we have a large group project for that class and hopefully, I'll be able to handle it. I'm not one for group projects. Mostly because I am way too controlling. Especially when it comes to my grades. Linguistics is as horrible as it sounds. It's a general ed, so I feel like it's required to suck. Plus, I have discussion session at the crack of dawn on Fridays for it. BLECH! AM wins the award for favorite class this semester. I'm having slight issues with it despite my love for it though. As Amanda and I discussed yesterday, it is a loooot of repeat for me. Having had her for three semesters already, I know the way she teaches. I know her examples, her favorite readings to assign, exactly what she wants in an answer. I've gotten to the point where I can probably finish her sentences. Some of the readings we're doing this semester are ones I did with her a year ago in intro. She told me that she thinks she has imparted me with all of her knowledge and doesn't have much left to teach. I disagree though. I think that if I were to do a sexuality ind. study with her, it would be awesome. Because at that point, she wouldn't be stuck teaching basics in order to get everyone on a level playing field. She knows what I know, knows what I don't know, and I think she would be awesome at doing a class catered toward sexuality for me. ST sucks, sucks, sucks. I'm glad that Lindsey is in that class because otherwise, I probably would never go. I really feel like if you've ever taken a theory course, you know how much they suck, so I don't feel the need to go on. WV is not on my list of favorites, either. Though having MadDog there obviously makes it ten times better. The woman who teaches it just seems all over the place. And spends two and half hours teaching something that can be taught in ten minutes (or really, not at all because I feel like if you're in a 200 level WS course, you should know what the hell patriarchy means). And Lord help me if we have to hear about the projects from last semester one more time. I might just explode from the uterus on out. And when I say she teaches or discusses something, I use those terms VERY loosely because we never delve deep into anything. Rather, we pick the most obvious, narrow minded answer and stick to it. And have we even discussed the readings yet? I don't think so. I spent money on three books for this class and I think I've read one chapter that hasn't even been mentioned since.

I realize that it seems like I am complaining a lot about classes but really, for the most part, I do not mind them. I think that it is just that I am getting to the point in my studies in which I need to be challenged. I need new ideas thrown at me. New concepts and ways to think. The problem with both the Sociology and WS departments is that their classes tend to cater to students on all different levels of knowledge. You have the kids that have never taken courses like this before and are amazed by looking at how something is socially constructed. Then, you have the kids who know their shit, have been around the block, encounter these ways of thinking in their everyday life and want more. Amanda always tells me that since I'm so passionate about topics and do a lot outside of the classroom to further my studies, that I'm probably going to encounter a lot of redundancy in my classes. She said that at that point, the only thing I can do is speak up more in classes, make my professors' lives easier, and impart my knowledge on those around me. And though I hate to say it, she's right.

So, I think that's about it. I covered the basics at least. And if you need more from me, Twitter and Flickr are usually up to date. Especially Twitter because I always update that via text. I'm off to go cook dinner and call my mom.

Drop me a line, if you please!

And so it begins..

2008-08-26T13:58:00.004-04:00

While I have some spare time at work, I figured I'd write. Sales open to the general public tomorrow so it is bound to be craziness from here on out.

So here is my breakdown on the three classes I've had thus far. Still two more I haven't had yet, one as soon as I get out of work today and the other tomorrow night.

Gender in the Workplace: I'm not sure how I feel about this class yet. I have heard horror stories about the professor but so far, she seems fine to me. It might end up being slightly repetative for me though, as the readings seem to be a lot about "undoing gender." We'll see.

Linguistics:Oh Lord, why did I wait so long to do this gen ed? It is a giant class of freshman. And the content puts me right to sleep. The discussion sections will kill me because they're at 9AM on the opposite side of campus.

Sociology of Gender:This will, without a doubt, be my favorite class. Amanda is teaching it and this is the third semester in a row that I've had her for. And there aren't reading notes this semester, but rather reading discussions or something (I don't know what she is calling them). Instead of pulling out just a summary of the articles, these are more opinion based and require slightly more thinking. And I can look forward to another ten page paper at the end of the semester. How the hell do I top my paper topic from last semester on the clitoris?

My remaining classes are Social Theory and Women & Violence. Nothing too thrilling but hoping for the best.

In loving memory of summer 2008...

2008-08-22T22:16:00.004-04:00

Why I will miss Summer:

Moving into the apartment tomorrow. Classes start on Monday. More to come once I'm up and settled!

Reason #5752

2008-08-12T23:12:00.007-04:00

Reason #5752 why my niece is cooler than you:

Birthday Present Project

2008-08-08T22:49:00.008-04:00

Every year, my family struggles to come up with birthday presents for my dad. He doesn't really want or need anything and if he does, he usually has already bought it for himself. So, last night, I was laying in bed on the verge of sleep thinking about a present that I could get for him when the most brilliant idea EVER popped right in. Now, if you know my dad, you know that he is anal about washing the dishes before he even puts them into the dish washer to get washed. The problem with that is that we never know if the dishes are really clean, or just well rinsed from the pre-wash. So, I decided to make him one of those Mr. Dirty/Mr. Clean things that way we never have to wonder if the dishes are clean again. Oh, but of course I couldn't make a boring old dirty/clean sign, I had to spice it up with my face!

Here it is:Click on it to see it large.

And in case you're like Anthony and have never heard of these before, you stick it on your dishwasher with a magnet (or in my unmagnetized case, a hook) and when the clean side is up, the dishes are clean. When dirty gross Kristin is facing up, then you better get to washing!!

Visibility

2008-08-05T22:14:00.003-04:00

A couple of weeks ago on July 17th, Angie Zapata, a MTF transgender, was beaten to death with a fire extinguisher. Angie had been on a date with Allen Andrade, a man she had met on a dating website, when Andrade noticed photographs around Angie’s apartment and questioned her gender identity. Upon discovering that she was a transwoman, Andrade beat Angie until he thought that he had killed her. When he realized that she was still alive and barely breathing, he continued to beat her until she finally died, fleeing the scene in Angie’s car.

Unfortunately, crimes like this are not uncommon. Everyday, members of the transgender community suffer from discrimination, exclusion, hate and violence. A large part of society does not recognize the challenges that transgender people face on a daily basis. Imagine fearing for your safety in a public restroom. Having someone judge your every move. Being fired from a job simply because of who you are. Visibility needs to be brought to the transgender community. Our society needs to recognize the treatment of transgender people and the rights that they are frequently denied.

What struck me about the story of Angie Zapata’s death is that when Allen Andrade was caught by the police, he explained what he had done, claiming that he had “killed it.” IT. He referred to Angie Zapata as IT. Not as a woman, a transwoman, or a human being but IT, a word used to represent an inanimate thing.

I cannot imagine any circumstance in which it is okay to call another human being IT. And so, I did this photo to bring about an issue that I think needs our attention. There needs to be greater punishment and attention given to hate crimes that occur on the basis of sexual and gender identity. There also needs to be an expansion of visibility and understanding of the transgender community. We need to educate our children, each other, and ourselves to think outside of the gendered boxes.

Freaking Out

2008-08-02T22:52:00.002-04:00

Neuroticism. Paranoia. Anxiety.
I am a hardcore sufferer.
Panic attack is beginning.
I cannot handle being home alone at night.
UGH.

Books Read in 2008

2008-07-30T19:26:00.006-04:00

I am doing this list as a reference point that I can come back to and edit in the future.

Books Read in 2008:
1. Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy
2. Full Frontal Feminism, Jessica Valenti
3. SLUT!, Leora Tanenbaum
4. Outrageous Acts & Everyday Rebellions, Gloria Steinem
5. Feminism is for Everybody, bell hooks
6. Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy (reread for class)
7. Full Frontal Feminism, Jessica Valenti (reread for class)
8. Feminism and Pornography, Ronald J. Berger
9. Desiring Revolution, Jane Gerhard
10. Can't Buy My Love, Jean Kilbourne
11. The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards
12. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd (reread)
13. A Streetcar Named Desire, Tennessee Williams (reread)
14. Pornology, Ayn Carrillo-Gailey
15. My Gender Workbook, Kate Bornstein
16. Feminist Frontiers, Verta Taylor
17. Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg

Frustration

2008-07-25T23:17:00.002-04:00

I am so frustrated with my diet right now. I know I'm not supposed to expect immediate results but dammit, I want to see some change! I initially lost two pounds but for the past three days have been stuck at that weight. The EXACT same weight. Down to the ounce. Anthony and my mom keep saying that one day it's just going to come off at once and surprise me. UGH!

And thank you to everyone who reads this because you are the ones who have prevented me from quitting. Every time I get the temptation to quit, I just remember everyone who knows about my better health adventure and stick to it so that I disappoint you and myself, in turn.

Off to the cottage in NH.

Photos

2008-07-24T23:48:00.005-04:00

I feel the need to follow up that vlog (in which I look like a crazy lady with eccentric makeup) with a post proving to you that I really was only like that for a photoshoot. So, for you that do not follow my Flickr photostream, here are some of the photos I took of myself today. Enjoy, my friends! And yes, I am hot.

Start a revolution, LOVE your body.

2008-07-22T23:08:00.002-04:00

Day two of the "I'm dieting but if something really delicious comes along, I'm eating it" diet. So far, so good. I have to admit that my obsessive personality LOVES being on a diet. Obsessing over how many steps I've taken is like heaven for me. All thanks to a lovely invention called the pedometer. I'm up 1500 steps from yesterday.

And now, a rant that I tend to give any time I talk about body weight and food issues:

I am and have always been of the "love your body" mindset. I think that people should love and be happy with their body, no matter what. There are far too many sources in the world telling us what we should and should not look like. Why feed into that? Do not diet for someone else. Do not starve yourself to be "skinny." Who gets to decide what looks good, anyway? If you are happy with the way you look, embrace it. LOVE YOURSELF.

I have done a lot of research and reading on body image issues throughout my life. For some reason, I've always had an interest in the topic. Personally, I blame Tracey Gold and her Lifetime movie about bulimia for hooking me on the topic early on. One of my favorite books that I have read on the topic is, hands down, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters by Courtney E. Martin. I had the pleasure of meeting and seeing Courtney speak on campus early last year (and actually, she is the reason I started following feministing.com). Anyway, her book is one of the best books I have read on the topic of body image disorders. Throughout it, she discusses a duality that exists within young women today. The perfect girl-starving daughter duality.

Sidenote: It is difficult for me to not want to just quote the entire book for you right here, as I think she explains it perfectly. I will try my best to summarize her point for those of you that will not be bothered to read the book. I really suggest you do read it though. It will change the way you see the women in your life. Suddenly, the eating habits of others (and yourself) stand out and are so much more evident. Personally, I noticed that voice inside my head telling me that ice cream was off limits because I had it the night before. And then, came another voice saying, "since when is that the rule? Why am I prohibiting myself? Why do I feel guilty?"

Anyway, Courtney summarizes the perfect girl-starving daughter duality to be a sort of good and evil twin relationship that exists within a lot of women. The "perfect girls" are the sides of us that say, "we must get straight A's. We must make money. We must save the world. We must be thin. We must be unflappable. We must be beautiful." After all, "we must be perfect. We must make it look effortless." But within every "perfect girl," there is also this "starving daughter." The starving daughter, as Courtney describes, "are tired of trying so hard all the time." They are full of doubt, guilt, conflict, and shame. Hurt by the world's constant expectations. The conflict between these twos sides are what lead women to many of the body image issues and disorders that exist. Courtney asks us to imagine the time we would save by not thinking, talking, hating our bodies; "One minute pledging to yourself that you won't eat one more thing the rest of the night; two minutes thinking about how little willpower you have when you eat some gummy bears out of the care package your mom sent; three minutes trying to get other people to eat some with you."

So why do I say all of this? Well, I care about you. I have seen way too many of my friends suffer from body ideals. I have known girls who pour water on their food to prevent themselves from eating more. Girls who will go to the gym despite being sick. Girls who overeat because of their feelings, only to hate themselves later because of it.

Do not let me fool you, I am not immune to this "perfect girl" mindset. I think I have always had issues with food. I was always on the overeating side of things (the medical field recently began to recognize this as "binge-eating disorder.") I remember hiding food in my room when I was younger. Even bottles of soda. I felt like I NEEDED to have them. They comforted me. I am still prone to "eating my feelings" and suffer from grazing when I'm bored and have idle time.

Let it be known that this diet adventure I am currently embarking on is not a result of Cosmo telling me I need to lose 25lbs before the semester starts (though I'm sure if I pick up this month's issue, it is telling me this). I am doing this for ME. I am unhappy with my current health and would like to improve it. Being diabetic, I need be more on top of my food and exercise for my own benefit. And yes, I recognize the perfect girl inside of me as much as the starving one. The fact that I started this blog off talking about my obsession with my pedometer is proof enough.

And to end this, a quote from Courtney's book:

"We are not our bodies. Our souls are not our stomachs. Our brains are not our butts. A lot of women have lost track of the truth that how we feel about our bodies does not have to be indicative of how we feel about ourselves."

I thank you if you managed to read all of that.

Mmm, puffed rice.

2008-07-21T14:11:00.004-04:00

I know I promised more details about yesterday's YouTube incident but I'm not feeling up to it and, at least for now, am not bothering.

Anyway, today marks the start of the "I'm dieting but if something really delicious comes along, I'm eating it" diet. The name of the diet should suggest to you why I never do well with diets. I'm Italian, I don't pass up food. It's in my blood. So, if you see me in a couple of weeks and I look exactly the same, it's probably because I quit dieting right away. Like I said to Kenya, I wish I could lose weight by accident. You know, come down with a horrible stomach bug, lose like 30 lbs. and then bounce back to health. Wishful thinking, I know.

YO, Check it Out! (The Second Edition)

2008-07-08T21:08:00.005-04:00

So, because I promised you and I have time to waste before the Tila Tequila reunion show, I bring you the second edition of YO, check it out! Once again, this is a list of everything I have come across in the last couple of weeks or so that I think are interesting/important/worth your time to check out. Enjoy!

1.) Sarah Haskins. No, not the professional triathlete. Rather, a witty woman that the world knows very little of except for her hilarious videos called Target Women on Current. She pokes fun at everything that is marketed toward women (wedding shows, botox, and campaign votes, to mention a few). My favorite video (which I'll attach just below) is Target Women: Yogurt. And no, it's not my favorite because Leisha Hailey was in yogurt commercials (although, that is an added bonus).

2.) Rock the Reception. Now, I don't watch much television lately (unless of course, it's the L Word or Family Guy) but I somehow managed to come across this show. Actually, I don't know how I came across it because I just checked TLC's website and it claims that the show doesn't premiere until July 15th at 8:30PM. Either way, I suggest checking it out because it had me smiling. The show, which features engaged couples looking to spice up their wedding receptions, changes the definition of a married couple's first dance. So, if you're into heterosexual courtship or just want to giggle at couples doing choreographed dances, it's worth the half an hour.

3.) Overheard in New York. Sometimes funny, sometimes stupid. Almost always entertaining. Conversations that people have overheard in New York and submit to the website. There's also Overheard Everywhere and Overheard in the Office.

4.) The Diaper Bank. Located in downtown New Haven, or well, the drop-off is in West Haven, the Diaper Bank is an organization that provides diapers for families in need. Programs like WIC and food stamps do not provide for diapers, so this organization does what it can to help. You can drop off donations of diapers during the week at 14 Gilbert St in West Haven. And if you cannot do the drop-off and would still like to donate packages of diapers, feel free to leave them with me. My mom and I just did a donation of three boxes of diapers yesterday. If you're not from the Connecticut area, I encourage you to look up similar programs in your state.

Honorable Mentions:

- Chris Pureka. I can listen to her on repeat. Her MySpace.

- Passive-Aggressive Notes. HILARIOUS website. People submit notes that they come across at home/work/on the street. There was one post-it note that if I didn't know better, I would have thought I wrote. It was left on a microwave and said something about making sure to clear off the extra seconds because some people have OCD.

Too Soon

2008-07-07T22:10:00.006-04:00

I was shopping in Babies R' Us this morning with my mom. We were shopping for my cousin Bobby's baby due in August. I texted my good friend & Jorg coworker Jen while I was there to tell her that she was the first person I thought of when I threw up the other night (she has a fear of throw up, so of course I thought of her). The text I received back from her was heartbreaking. She informed me that last week, she delivered her twin babies early and both passed away. She was five months along.

I am heartbroken. I was one of the first people to know of Jen's pregnancy. I came into work one afternoon and she pulled me over to her computer. Her screen read, "your due date is November 2008." I was sworn to secrecy, as most of the people at work and some family did not know yet. Over spring break, she called to tell me she was pregnant with not one, but two! I was so excited for her. She was nervous about not being able to financially handle the situation but felt so blessed and grateful. When I left campus for summer break, I took a picture of her on my cell phone, saying, "this is the last time I'll see you as a mom of one. You're going to have three the next time I see you!"

She sent me a message a few weeks back to tell me the babies were a boy and a girl. I called back to tell her the name Kristin iss unisex, so she could still use it. Now this morning, as I'm walking around Babies R' Us, picking up gifts for Jill and wondering what I can pick up for Jen, I find out about this. I don't know if irony is even the word but no matter what it is, it is horrible. Horrible.

My heart bleeds for her.

Their names were Dominic and Celine, so if you could please, please say a prayer for them, it would mean the world to me (and I'm sure, to Jen).

Happy Fourth of July Weekend

2008-07-05T01:00:00.003-04:00

Hope everyone is having a festive fourth of July weekend. I'm currently nursing myself back to health with the third season of Family Guy on DVD, air conditioning, and a bottle of water.

In usual Pompano fashion, we had a picnic at my Auntie Ro's house today. Much more fun this year than past years due in part to two bottles of wine. McKully always comes prepared! We split the two bottles between us and had us a stumbling hilarious good time. The weather was kind of crap ass but the kids had fun running around in the rain. (Note: See facebook for all of the pictures.)

Oh! I re-dyed my hair this morning. Now you can all be happy that I will no longer be complaining about my roots for at least a month or two. It is back to it's purple/red/dark/whatever color, so hooray for that. Except I've just ruined two shirts because the red keeps on running. Yeah, not so sweet.

That's it. Another edition of YO! Check it out coming your way this week. :) Be safe this weekend! And do not drink two bottles of wine and then eat a hotdog. It did not end well for me. And that is all I am saying about that.

Snow White

2008-06-28T01:41:00.003-04:00

This post is for my favorite UConn-graduate-OMG-I-can't-believe-you're-a-real-adult-now friend, Ashley Crawford who was wondering earlier today, "what do you do when you're bored?"

Here's the answer, Ash. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands. =)

A Crushed Italian Heart

2008-06-26T19:16:00.004-04:00

It pains my little Italian heart to say that I will no longer be purchasing or eating anything that comes from Rocco's Bakery in New Haven, CT. That includes all of their delicious cannolis, sweet horns, and éclairs. As it turns out, the owners of Rocco's, though I believed them to be delightful people, are actually scum. My news sources inform me that they have been employing illegal immigrants from Ecuador for the past ten or so years. I have absolutely no issue with them employing the Ecuadorian family but find HUGE issue with the treatment that they were subjecting them too. Apparently, Rocco's owners were physically, verbally, and sexually abusing the family. Numerous times they threatened to deport the family if the women in the family did not agree to sexual intercourse. I am ridiculously disgusted by you and will no longer be eating any of your delicious pastries, Antonio & Anna DiBenedetto. From now on, it's Libby's, Lucibello's or nothing!

Update

2008-06-24T21:46:00.003-04:00

My apologies for neglecting to blog. I have been caught up in Flickr for the past few days, as one of my 365 photos became popular suddenly and it brought a lot of attention to my photostream. Basically, I have been doing happy dances all over the house while I watch it rise on Explore. So far, number 32! But anyway, I've discovered that I know it is REALLY summer when the days begin to blur together.

Most of my weekdays end up looking something like this:

- Wake up & put a pot of coffee on
- Check Flickr, MySpace, & Facebook
- Drink coffee, read the news/blogs, and talk to Angie
- Brainstorm up a 365 idea
- Dinner with the family
- Movies (or TV depending what night it is)

I know, pretty rocking lame, huh? Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays, & Saturdays are made better by Janessa at least. Anyway, I promise to be better at blogging soon. Well, maybe soon.

Family Fun

2008-06-20T00:08:00.008-04:00

The Pompano family version of the Mentos and Diet Coke experiment. Babygirl was the only one truly impressed. Okay, actually, I might have been too. Video of it all just below. :)

Living with Anthony: Part III

2008-06-16T21:23:00.005-04:00

FYI: Spleen pain is a result of macking on the dirty, Anthony.

YO, Check It Out!! (The First Edition)

2008-06-15T10:01:00.013-04:00

I have been meaning to do this for a while, you know. I'm just now tackling my laziness and actually doing it. So, this is a list of everything I have come across in the past few weeks or so that I think are interesting/important/worth your time to check out.

1.) Andrea Gibson. I have boasted about her a few times on Flickr but I just cannot say enough about her. She is a poet and activist that tackles issues like war, rape, and patriarchy with such force in her work. Every word that comes out of her mouth is sure to make you pause in awe of her brilliance. Two of my favorite poems of hers are Blue Blanket and For Eli. To see her perform is even better though, so I suggest visiting her myspace or youtube.

2.) Postcards From Yo Momma. Thanks to Oprah magazine (yes, I have a subscription), I discovered a website called Postcards From Yo Momma. The website, to which people send funny emails & messages they received from their mothers, is sure to make you laugh. Definitely a good time waster, as it is updated frequently.

3.)Indexed. Indexed, site updated "as the coffee brews" every week day. Using index cards, Jessica Hagy makes statements and comparisons you otherwise would not think of. My daily reaction to her project is usually something like "hmph."

4.) The Trouble with Spikol. Liz Spikol, who I openly admit to having a small crush on, writes a column for Philadelphia Weekly called The Trouble with Spikol. Through the column she documents her struggle with Bipolar Disorder and depression, while simultaneously raising awareness. She also has a youtube channel, on which she makes cute videos discussing anything from medications to Parisian lipstick.

Another edition of YO, check it out! coming your way soon.

No Air

2008-06-14T23:31:00.003-04:00

The emptiness I'm feeling right now is the worst. It frightens me with how quickly it managed to come over me. I wasn't expecting it. It caught me off guard. Tomorrow will be better.

The Official To Be Read Book List

2008-06-12T23:31:00.015-04:00

I promised Casey back in April (maybe May?) that I would make a TBR book list, since, you know, she's the only one who really cares about the books I want to read. So, here it is so far. I'll be updating it occasionally, to keep it up to date. (By the way, if it's bold, it means I finally got around to reading it.)

Whipping Girl, Julia Serano
Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg
She's Not There, Jennifer Finney Boylan
Girls on the Stand, Helena Silverstein
This Land is Their Land, Barbara Ehrenreich
Last Time I Wore a Dress, Daphne Scholinski
Brothel: Mustang Ranch and its Women, Alexa Albert
The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards
Cunt, Inga Muscio
Stonewall, Martin Duberman
A Million Little Pieces, James Frey
Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, Jessica Valenti
Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns, Andrea Gibson
Sand in My Bra and Other Misadventures: Funny Women Write from the Road, Jennifer Leo
Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, Chelsea Handler
Black Sexual Politics, Patricia Hill Collins
Lopsided : How Having Breast Cancer Can Be Really Distracting, Meredith Norton
The Beauty Myth, Naomi Wolf
Yellow Wallpaper, Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Bitch, Elizabeth Wurtzel
Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman Capote
The Mermaid Chair, Sue Monk Kidd
Diary, Chuck Palahniuk
Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
Middlesex, Jeffery Eugenides
Beautiful Stranger, Hope Donahue

For my Flickr friends..

2008-06-12T20:19:00.009-04:00

This video is a big giant HELLO! for my friends on Flickr. You need a pro-account in order to post the video on Flickr so my poor, non-pro account ass is doing it here instead.

Warnings/notes/commentary about the video:
- There is a lot of dorkiness in this video
- My hair looks ridiculous
- I tend to lean into the camera
- I ramble a lot. No seriously, A LOT.
- Look it's my forehead wrinkles in motion!
- I like how I'm plugging my own blog (and Take Back the Night, more subtly)
- Why am I blinking so much?
- Oh and I love how unattractive I look in that freeze frame.

Thanks for checking it out, everyone!!

The Vote is in YOUR Hands

2008-06-11T00:41:00.005-04:00

Three political posts in one day? I know, I know. But I did this photo for my 365 challenge and could not help but share it. So here it is. And below that, my blog about it.

5 Reasons why I will not vote for John McCain in November.
(And why you shouldn’t either.)

1.) He is anti-choice.
Senator McCain has stated that he wishes to overturn Roe v. Wade, making abortion illegal. He has also voted in favor of shutting down federal family-planning programs.

2.) He does not support the equal pay act.
McCain has said that he opposes the equal pay act for women. Why? Because it “opens us up to lawsuits for all kinds of problems.”

3.) He opposes same-sex marriage
And actually, most LGBT rights in general. He voted yes to a prohibition on same-sex marriage, believing that marriage should only exist between a man and a woman. Also, he voted no to expanding the definition of hate crimes to include sexual orientation. Funny, because I’m pretty sure that a lot of people have been harassed, beaten, and killed because of their sexual orientation. Sakia Gunn, Lawrence King, and Matthew Shepherd, to name a few.

4.) He won’t end this war.
He stated that the war in Iraq is worth the price in blood and treasure. And that he is okay with having American troops stationed there for a hundred years.

5.) He endorses abstinence-only sex education.
Sen. McCain voted yes to federally funded sex education in the school systems, leaving millions of children misinformed and uneducated about STDs, contraceptives, and sexual identity.

The vote and future of our country is in your hands this November. Do the right thing.

Oh, and I have more than five reasons but I ran out of fingers on that hand. ;) Oh and double Oh, for those who do not know where they stand for election '08, I find On the Issues to be a good website that lists everything straightforward for you. It breaks up the candidates viewpoints, telling you where they stand and how they voted in the past. Check it out. There's nothing worse than an uneducated vote. Or a thrown one.

Why I would never vote for McCain

2008-06-10T15:24:00.009-04:00

Just one reason why I would never vote for McCain. And why you shouldn't, either. More to come, I'm sure. I think I should make it into a weekly feature on this blog.

I still love Hillary Clinton

2008-06-10T12:58:00.002-04:00

I cannot help but find myself saddened as I sit here listening to Hillary Clinton give her speech of concession and throw her full support toward Barack Obama. For weeks, people have been hounding her to concede, to give in and give up. They questioned her motives for prolonging her campaign, asking why she would bother trying to continue when the race was so clearly over. A member of her party said it best when he stated, "because [winning the presidency] is her dream and everyone knows it's hard to give up on a dream."

...Especially when that dream is shared with hopeful millions...

I would be lying if I said that the idea of a woman for president did not excite me. As a little girl growing up, I never thought that I would see a woman become president in my lifetime. It was just a distant thought in the back of my head. A thought that only emerged when in the presence of an eager classmate whose dreams fell somewhere between becoming a mommy, a princess, and the president. Years later, despite every feminist bone in my body, I continued to believe that I would never see the day that a woman entered the White House to fulfill a role other than First Lady. I had lost faith in our society and country. After all, how can one even begin to dream of defeating gender inequality in the government when we have not yet defeated similar inequalities and prejudices in the home and workplace. It seemed so very unattainable.

Despite my pessimism, Hillary Clinton emerged months ago with power, force and a dream for presidency. For the first time, I saw possibility. I immediately hopped the Hillary bandwagon, deciding that I would like to see her in the White House now and maybe, Obama later. I followed her campaign on and off, noticing a growing distance between her and Obama and a growing division between the Democratic party.

When Hillary's campaign finally ended, I was upset about her loss but not by Obama's win. Despite our individual desires for a certain candidate, I think it's more important to ensure that a Democrat enters the White House. I stand behind the Democratic party because I wholeheartedly believe that they will bring about the change I wish to see. To me, a vote for McCain is ten steps backward into history. A history in which my gender is no more than chained property.

So, I will continue to love Hillary Clinton, even if she will not be the first female president. It is her journey and campaign trail that has helped to open up doors, paths, and galaxies for women. Because of her, women will be more apt to run for government positions. Because of her, society will show less hesitation in supporting a woman. Because of her, more little girls will dream of becoming president. And because of her, more little girls will achieve that dream.

"Although we weren’t able to shatter that highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it’s got about 18 million cracks in it. And the light is shining through like never before, filling us all with the hope and the sure knowledge that the path will be a little easier next time. That has always been the history of progress in America."

Living with Anthony: Part II

2008-06-04T19:02:00.004-04:00

FYI: The lotion in the purple bottle contains glitter, Anthony.

Living with Anthony: Part I

2008-06-04T02:15:00.006-04:00

In the midst of a divorce, my brother has moved back into my parent's house. The experience of living with your brother again, after eight years of separation & growing up, has proved to be a hilarious adventure. I only wish that everyone could experience living with your siblings as an adult. I have chosen to document all of the fun and ridiculousness that ensues with drawings that I like to call, "Living with Anthony."

FYI: Ranch dressing is not in a food group of its own, Anthony.

Hello World!

2008-06-03T22:10:00.007-04:00

So now that the pressure of a first entry is over and done with, let's get down to business.

HELLO! My name is Kristin and I am twenty year old college undergrad at the University of Connecticut. I'm heading into my junior year and am pleased to say that I have finally found my place at such a large university. My place, as it turns out, is caught in the in-betweens of the Sociology and Women's Studies departments, researching gender/sexuality and embracing the feminist movement.

When I'm not on campus being a nerd, you can find me in a town by the shore of Connecticut, living with my folks and brother, being just as, if not more, nerdy. I spend the majority of my time home with my family, as I am an Italian girl who was raised to believe that the three most important things in life are family, macaroni, and seven courses of seafood on Christmas Eve.

The joy in my life is a six year old, who I am blessed to call my niece. She never ceases to make me laugh, as she has the wit and smarts of an elderly woman who has seen the world twice over. We spend our time together skateboarding, talking about chocolate milk, and repeating phrases at the dinner table until it annoys everyone around us. Needless to say, she keeps me young and reminds me to laugh.

I originally took to this blog in an attempt to lay out my deepest thoughts and problems, hoping to find myself along the way. Then, I realized that I have never been one to be serious and contemplative all the time and laughed at myself for being so foolish to think I would be. If I were to keep this blog as serious as I had planned to, I wouldn't even want to read it, let alone you. So, while I cannot promise that this blog will be the most action-filled & interesting, I can tell you that it is sure to contain stories, rants, and lists galore. All of which will be slightly ridiculous and majorly awesome.

And so it goes...

2008-05-30T13:06:00.004-04:00

This is my fifth time starting this post. I have written and rewritten the entry, changing it ever so slightly each time. This is exactly what I did not want to happen. I was hoping this blog would be a place for me to speak freely. A place where I could let my words come out and remain raw. But of course, in true Kristin fashion, I have let my perfectionist tendencies take over and I feel the need to correct every word, every sentence, every thought. I can never just let things be. And anyway, there is always too much pressure and expectation placed on the first entry of a blog. I am saving my good stuff for the entries to come. :)